There are many students on my list that I remember fondly, a few that I even meet for lunch from time to time. There are dozens of students who have now friended me on Facebook and I enjoy seeing the photos they post from college and beyond, some have even posted wedding photos. Though I might not see them frequently, it's nice to know they are out in this wonderful world, chasing their dreams. These aren't the students I want to address today either.
I have another list: the ones I worry about. It's a list that changes as time passes.
These students might not even realize that I am still worried about them, still betting on them, still hoping that life will be kind to them. They probably don't realize how deeply my experience with them still affects me. I would like to hate their stories, as I know them, with you.
Amy*
Amy transferred into my Spanish 1 class three weeks in to my first year teaching. Amy was extremely soft spoken and shy. I placed her in the front corner of the room and welcomed her to class. The second time she sat in my classroom, I was in the middle of teaching when I watched as she stood up out of her seat, stormed across the room toward another student, grabbed a ruler he had sitting on his desk, broke it in half and threw it back on the desk. I stood in stunned silence for a moment, not knowing what the protocol was for such an event in the classroom. She returned to her seat and sat down and after another few seconds, I attempted to the teach the last twenty minutes of my class.
When class ended, I walked over and sat down in front of her and asked what had happened. She explained that the student was using the ruler to reflect the sunlight in her eyes and that she wasn't going to put up with it. I explained that it was my job to take care of that type of thing and for her to let me know next time. I told her I would keep her away from that student. I explained that the incident was probably something I should write her up for but I didn't want to do that if she promised she'd let me handle things from then on. She agreed.
I immediately started asking questions about her and about the other student. The other student, we'll call John*, had a history of bad behavior and mentally ill parents. He didn't even finish the year with me as he was sent to another school or ended up in jail- I'm not sure which; I honestly don't remember. But I do remember Amy's story. Amy had transferred because she moved in with her grandmother. She left her old school after having been stripped naked and taped to a tree by bullies. She couldn't stay with her mother because her mother's boyfriend had been molesting her.
My heart broke for Amy and still breaks for her.
After another few weeks in that class, I realized that the class was a horrible placement for her. That class was the craziest, most "dangerous minds" group of students I've ever taught. When it was proposed that she be moved into the FOCUS program, a program for at-risk teens wherein they'd receive smaller classes and more emotional support, the situation to move her into my other Spanish 1 class arrived. She switched into the other class that was calmer with much nicer students. She thrived.
Amy came during study hall before tests and quizzes and completed projects with my help. She confessed to me that she had never understood Spanish and needed extra help. Her English reading and writing skills were also poor but we got her through the class with a pass because of her willingness to work. I told her I really hoped she came back the following year to visit me and she told me she thought she was pregnant from her older boyfriend. And that's the last I ever heard of Amy.
She did not return to Guilderland the following year. I don't know if she had a baby or ever graduated. I have tried finding her on Facebook but her real name is extremely common. She will remain on the list until I hear that she is alive and doing well, supporting herself in some way and happy.
Jack*
Jack transferred from Albany High School into Amy's original class of misfits midyear. He was tall for a freshman because he was sixteen, having been held back multiple times. He was big of stature and, for the first few classes, sat stoically in his seat, nonparticipating in any activity.
I was a first year teacher from a suburban school and a middle class family who graduated third in her class who truly believed the rhetoric she learned in college that "I could change the world" and that every student would learn. Jack perplexed me. How could a student not want to participate? Especially since we were playing Bingo for candy.
The next class, they were supposed to be working on some kind of project and I approached him. I started asking him questions and over two weeks, he began opening up to me and participating. He told me I was "pretty chill for a teacher" and I told him I wanted to help him. He was suspended on and off for possession or use of drugs. He was pulled from my class one day by police accompanied by a principal. Suffice it to say, Spanish wasn't his main priority.
He did not show the day of the final. I called home to offer him the chance to come in and take it at a different time. His mother and I spoke for almost an hour about how worried she was that Jack would follow the same path as his brother and wind up in jail. She didn't know what to do with him and hadn't seen him in a day. I tried to console her or offer encouragement, but mainly I listened, my heart sinking as I realized how terribly unfair life could be to someone before he was even able to really be a part of the world.
He never took his final and did not return to Guilderland the following year.
Mitch*
Mitch was also an experience during my first year teaching.
I met him my very first day at Guilderland when he walked into the room and announced that I could call him "Mick Tizzle" and that his friend was "B Dizzle". I can imagine my eyes went wide many times during my first year teaching and this was also one of those times. I replied "that's great" and for him to sit at the desk where his card was. Then I believe I went to my roster looking for a Mick Tizzle that was nowhere to be found. I did not get the joke at the time.
During my first year, I wrote a stack of referrals an inch and a half thick and that is not embellishment. I measured the pile at the end of the year before recycling my orange copies. About 75% of that inch and a half was for Mitch. He received referrals for a variety of reasons but I'd like to share with you two of my favorites.
One day, he threw himself to the floor for no reason. Only the desks were the one piece desks where the chair is attached to the desk and when he threw himself out of the desk, his leg was hooked around the leg of desk so it partially went with him. The class thought it was hilarious.
Another time, I started handing out a quiz that he didn't want to take. He got up and started walking behind me and picking up the quizzes as I put them on student desks. The class also thought this was hilarious and looking back now, it really was.
The thing with Mitch was that he had major issues with impulse control. He never did anything maliciously and when these types of things happen in my classroom now? I laugh. They're funny. Kids like this are really funny and they just need to learn to control things. But to me as a first year teacher, they were horrendous. They distracted an already distractable class and it was then conveyed to me that the teacher they had the year prior had no classroom management and would cry in front of them on a daily basis. I had my work cut out for me. In February, as I wrote the day's referrals, my supervisor asked if I remembered that he told me in our interview that I'd have difficult classes. Of course I remembered. He then said, "Well I didn't realize you'd have the four worst classes in the department, but look at all you're learning about classroom management." It did little to comfort me as I continued writing my referrals but I did learn a lot that year about the differences between theory and practice.
I often think back to that year and Mitch's class and feel sorry for them that they didn't get to have me now. I think Mitch would have many fewer referrals if it were me now. But he was placed on my list because I worried about this impulsive, non-serious student would fare in college. Would he make it?
He was officially taken off the list recently as he is now pursuing a PhD in California. I got in touch with his mother, who was my best friend that year since we talked so frequently. She gave me his email and I contacted him and told him how proud I was and that I have nothing but fond memories of our time together. He may be off my "worried about" list but he will forever be a part of my teaching experience.
Julian*
Julian arrived in my room as a senior, having to pass my course to graduate. He hadn't earned his language credit yet and he needed it. He was a sly type, had a smart ass remark or comment and was, perhaps, a little too entitled for his own good. But for some reason, we got along even if he was perceived as a jerk by a lot of the students and other faculty. It was perhaps February of that year that an incident happened. I didn't get a lot of details but I believe he was being picked on or bullied- something happened. And life changed a bit for Julian. The next thing I know, he handed me a paper saying that he was dropping out of school a few months shy of graduating. He said his grades were all horrible and he wouldn't make it anyway.
I tried telling him to talk to his teachers, that he might be able to just pull through. But he got his signature, walked out the door and was written on my list.
He remained on the list for several years, and when I found out he joined the military, he went on the other list of students I worry about. But he was officially crossed off when I heard he was back, became a police officer, got married and had a child. I still think of him often but am friends on Facebook with his wife and get to see occasional pictures to know he's doing well.
Zander*
The first day Zander walked into my classroom, I was intimidated. Zander towered over me and he was a sophomore. He came in with a bunch of his friends, laughing and loud, and I wondered if it would be another Mitch experience- unruly, loud, sometimes obnoxious but funny too. But Zander surprised me because he was just a big teddy bear. He was kind and proud and tried his best, despite the obvious lack of talent with Spanish.
He had a steady girlfriend and some days, if they were fighting, he would sit in the back of the room completely still, staring out the window in silent contemplation on how to make things right with her. She was his world and I got to know her some as well when I'd talk to them both in the hallway. I quickly learned that if he had to stay after school or needed to complete an assignment, telling her in the hallway would guarantee that it would get done.
Zander was a very proud young man, so proud that I pissed him off once actually. One day, he marched into class, sat in the back of the room and said nothing. I assumed it was an argument with his girlfriend and I asked him about it and he didn't respond. I started doing some digging. He was a part of the FOCUS program, so I asked the FOCUS "mommy" if she knew why he was upset that day. She explained that he was mad at me because I gave him a grade he didn't feel he earned. There had been a project wherein they had to write about their childhood. He sat with me at my desk and we wrote his rough draft sentences together. I'd prompt him and help him when he got stuck but he wrote the sentences mainly by himself. They were then supposed to take the sentences and make a scrapbook out of it. He never turned in the final project but I gave him a 70 on it because I knew the sentences had been written and were solid. The sentences were the bulk of the grade for the project- the remaining thirty points was for typing it and adding pictures. Apparently, he was angry at me for giving him a 70 when he felt he should receive a zero since he hadn't handed me a final draft. He didn't want my charity.
I approached him the next class and explained my point of view- that I knew he had done the work and should receive credit for having written the sentences and spent a lot of time on them. I told him in no way did I simply hand out grades. If he hadn't written the sentences, he would have received a zero, as a couple of his classmates received. He nodded and things were cool after that. He passed the final by the skin of his teeth and I saw him in the hallway the following year. We always said hello.
Until one day, I was in the hallway and asked how he was and he said he was dropping out, that school didn't work for him. He was sixteen and he was done. He was added to my list.
I saw him two years later at a school football game and he gave me a huge bear hug. I believe he is still with his girlfriend, last I heard a few years ago. They have since had a child, maybe more since. But he is still on the list until I can talk to him face to face.
Jeff*
Jeff was a freshman in my Spanish 1 class. Spanish 1 is always an interesting class to teach because you get all kinds of different students. Half the class consists of students with learning disabilities. Usually, there is an upperclassmen who wanted to take another language and already has success in one language. There are also students who failed Spanish in the middle school and still need to earn a credit to graduate. Jeff fell into two categories, having failed in the middle school for lack of effort that was perhaps in part a side-effect of his diagnosed ADD.
Jeff was a sweet young boy who was rather quiet in class. At first. As he gained confidence in the high school, he became louder and more and more distracted. He was also extremely impressionable and I noticed he started gravitating toward the older students in class and trying to imitate their bad behavior. I was instantly worried.
I was further alarmed when he started hanging out with Triston, a junior who was in my other Spanish 1 class who had major issues who will be discussed later. Jeff passed my class in the 80s because when I got him to focus, he did well. He was a very intelligent, kind young man but I worried that his choice of friends would drag him down. I voiced this to him several times and hoped he took it to heart.
The following year, myself and another teacher often had conversations with him because he was still hanging out with Triston and his friends. Jeff came to school one day with a black eye and the rumor I heard was that he was in downtown Albany with Triston and friends in the middle of the night and was punched. Again, many of us voiced our concerns. I believe he was suspended or dropped out or both; I'm not sure. I was at least able to find his Facebook page and it looks like he's doing okay and perhaps in school. He will stay on my list until I get a definitive answer as to his success in life.
Triston*
Triston was in my Spanish 1 class because he had a learning disability that had taken up time in his schedule since he had to be pulled out for reading services. He was a junior and still needed the credit so in he came. He was respectful to me but I could tell he had problems with authority and anger management issues. He also struggled with substance abuse and there were other teachers who had him that suspected there may have been verbal or emotional abuse in his childhood as well.
The last time I saw him, his life trajectory was not heading toward a positive place and I feared there would be jail time or worse in his future. I was able to find his Facebook page as well and it looks like he is potentially in a community college. But I still worry about him.
Micah*
Micah was by far the toughest case I've ever dealt with as a teacher. I had him two years in a row in Spanish 1 and would have had him a third year had I not requested for a break from Spanish 1. I asked for that break because I knew I could not handle him three years in a row.
Micah was the most indifferent student I've ever had. There were days when I couldn't even get him to pick up a pencil and that is not an exaggeration. He did not carry materials with him. Period. He did not even have a pen or pencil. He would walk in to class, sit down and stare. Even the first year I had him, he knew all the answers and could pass a test if he cared to take it but failed with an average in the 20s due to his refusal to do work. He skipped many times and was written up accordingly. He spent a lot of the two years suspended as well. His suspensions were caused by a variety of things including: skipping, using inappropriate language, fighting, possession or sale of illegal substances or being under the influence in school.
Never have I met a student who was as indifferent to his success as Micah. It was the second year I had him when we had a teacher meeting with him. Our assistant principal was laying it out to him: that he was failing, that he was not going to graduate and that he would most likely end up in jail if he kept on this life path. Micah stated that he wanted to graduate and that he would graduate. The assistant principal replied that he could pass if he started to work but that on his current trajectory, he would flunk out of high school. Micah was angry at that and said that it wasn't true, that he'd graduate with his class. He truly believed that he could pass without holding a pencil.
There are many things that tug at my heart and while I once saw that as a weakness, I now accept that it's one of my greatest strengths. I find inspiration in their struggles and it makes me work harder to create engaging lessons. If I didn't have my list, if I didn't still care, I wouldn't be who I am.
Amy*
Amy transferred into my Spanish 1 class three weeks in to my first year teaching. Amy was extremely soft spoken and shy. I placed her in the front corner of the room and welcomed her to class. The second time she sat in my classroom, I was in the middle of teaching when I watched as she stood up out of her seat, stormed across the room toward another student, grabbed a ruler he had sitting on his desk, broke it in half and threw it back on the desk. I stood in stunned silence for a moment, not knowing what the protocol was for such an event in the classroom. She returned to her seat and sat down and after another few seconds, I attempted to the teach the last twenty minutes of my class.
When class ended, I walked over and sat down in front of her and asked what had happened. She explained that the student was using the ruler to reflect the sunlight in her eyes and that she wasn't going to put up with it. I explained that it was my job to take care of that type of thing and for her to let me know next time. I told her I would keep her away from that student. I explained that the incident was probably something I should write her up for but I didn't want to do that if she promised she'd let me handle things from then on. She agreed.
I immediately started asking questions about her and about the other student. The other student, we'll call John*, had a history of bad behavior and mentally ill parents. He didn't even finish the year with me as he was sent to another school or ended up in jail- I'm not sure which; I honestly don't remember. But I do remember Amy's story. Amy had transferred because she moved in with her grandmother. She left her old school after having been stripped naked and taped to a tree by bullies. She couldn't stay with her mother because her mother's boyfriend had been molesting her.
My heart broke for Amy and still breaks for her.
After another few weeks in that class, I realized that the class was a horrible placement for her. That class was the craziest, most "dangerous minds" group of students I've ever taught. When it was proposed that she be moved into the FOCUS program, a program for at-risk teens wherein they'd receive smaller classes and more emotional support, the situation to move her into my other Spanish 1 class arrived. She switched into the other class that was calmer with much nicer students. She thrived.
Amy came during study hall before tests and quizzes and completed projects with my help. She confessed to me that she had never understood Spanish and needed extra help. Her English reading and writing skills were also poor but we got her through the class with a pass because of her willingness to work. I told her I really hoped she came back the following year to visit me and she told me she thought she was pregnant from her older boyfriend. And that's the last I ever heard of Amy.
She did not return to Guilderland the following year. I don't know if she had a baby or ever graduated. I have tried finding her on Facebook but her real name is extremely common. She will remain on the list until I hear that she is alive and doing well, supporting herself in some way and happy.
Jack*
Jack transferred from Albany High School into Amy's original class of misfits midyear. He was tall for a freshman because he was sixteen, having been held back multiple times. He was big of stature and, for the first few classes, sat stoically in his seat, nonparticipating in any activity.
I was a first year teacher from a suburban school and a middle class family who graduated third in her class who truly believed the rhetoric she learned in college that "I could change the world" and that every student would learn. Jack perplexed me. How could a student not want to participate? Especially since we were playing Bingo for candy.
The next class, they were supposed to be working on some kind of project and I approached him. I started asking him questions and over two weeks, he began opening up to me and participating. He told me I was "pretty chill for a teacher" and I told him I wanted to help him. He was suspended on and off for possession or use of drugs. He was pulled from my class one day by police accompanied by a principal. Suffice it to say, Spanish wasn't his main priority.
He did not show the day of the final. I called home to offer him the chance to come in and take it at a different time. His mother and I spoke for almost an hour about how worried she was that Jack would follow the same path as his brother and wind up in jail. She didn't know what to do with him and hadn't seen him in a day. I tried to console her or offer encouragement, but mainly I listened, my heart sinking as I realized how terribly unfair life could be to someone before he was even able to really be a part of the world.
He never took his final and did not return to Guilderland the following year.
Mitch*
Mitch was also an experience during my first year teaching.
I met him my very first day at Guilderland when he walked into the room and announced that I could call him "Mick Tizzle" and that his friend was "B Dizzle". I can imagine my eyes went wide many times during my first year teaching and this was also one of those times. I replied "that's great" and for him to sit at the desk where his card was. Then I believe I went to my roster looking for a Mick Tizzle that was nowhere to be found. I did not get the joke at the time.
During my first year, I wrote a stack of referrals an inch and a half thick and that is not embellishment. I measured the pile at the end of the year before recycling my orange copies. About 75% of that inch and a half was for Mitch. He received referrals for a variety of reasons but I'd like to share with you two of my favorites.
One day, he threw himself to the floor for no reason. Only the desks were the one piece desks where the chair is attached to the desk and when he threw himself out of the desk, his leg was hooked around the leg of desk so it partially went with him. The class thought it was hilarious.
Another time, I started handing out a quiz that he didn't want to take. He got up and started walking behind me and picking up the quizzes as I put them on student desks. The class also thought this was hilarious and looking back now, it really was.
The thing with Mitch was that he had major issues with impulse control. He never did anything maliciously and when these types of things happen in my classroom now? I laugh. They're funny. Kids like this are really funny and they just need to learn to control things. But to me as a first year teacher, they were horrendous. They distracted an already distractable class and it was then conveyed to me that the teacher they had the year prior had no classroom management and would cry in front of them on a daily basis. I had my work cut out for me. In February, as I wrote the day's referrals, my supervisor asked if I remembered that he told me in our interview that I'd have difficult classes. Of course I remembered. He then said, "Well I didn't realize you'd have the four worst classes in the department, but look at all you're learning about classroom management." It did little to comfort me as I continued writing my referrals but I did learn a lot that year about the differences between theory and practice.
I often think back to that year and Mitch's class and feel sorry for them that they didn't get to have me now. I think Mitch would have many fewer referrals if it were me now. But he was placed on my list because I worried about this impulsive, non-serious student would fare in college. Would he make it?
He was officially taken off the list recently as he is now pursuing a PhD in California. I got in touch with his mother, who was my best friend that year since we talked so frequently. She gave me his email and I contacted him and told him how proud I was and that I have nothing but fond memories of our time together. He may be off my "worried about" list but he will forever be a part of my teaching experience.
Julian*
Julian arrived in my room as a senior, having to pass my course to graduate. He hadn't earned his language credit yet and he needed it. He was a sly type, had a smart ass remark or comment and was, perhaps, a little too entitled for his own good. But for some reason, we got along even if he was perceived as a jerk by a lot of the students and other faculty. It was perhaps February of that year that an incident happened. I didn't get a lot of details but I believe he was being picked on or bullied- something happened. And life changed a bit for Julian. The next thing I know, he handed me a paper saying that he was dropping out of school a few months shy of graduating. He said his grades were all horrible and he wouldn't make it anyway.
I tried telling him to talk to his teachers, that he might be able to just pull through. But he got his signature, walked out the door and was written on my list.
He remained on the list for several years, and when I found out he joined the military, he went on the other list of students I worry about. But he was officially crossed off when I heard he was back, became a police officer, got married and had a child. I still think of him often but am friends on Facebook with his wife and get to see occasional pictures to know he's doing well.
Zander*
The first day Zander walked into my classroom, I was intimidated. Zander towered over me and he was a sophomore. He came in with a bunch of his friends, laughing and loud, and I wondered if it would be another Mitch experience- unruly, loud, sometimes obnoxious but funny too. But Zander surprised me because he was just a big teddy bear. He was kind and proud and tried his best, despite the obvious lack of talent with Spanish.
He had a steady girlfriend and some days, if they were fighting, he would sit in the back of the room completely still, staring out the window in silent contemplation on how to make things right with her. She was his world and I got to know her some as well when I'd talk to them both in the hallway. I quickly learned that if he had to stay after school or needed to complete an assignment, telling her in the hallway would guarantee that it would get done.
Zander was a very proud young man, so proud that I pissed him off once actually. One day, he marched into class, sat in the back of the room and said nothing. I assumed it was an argument with his girlfriend and I asked him about it and he didn't respond. I started doing some digging. He was a part of the FOCUS program, so I asked the FOCUS "mommy" if she knew why he was upset that day. She explained that he was mad at me because I gave him a grade he didn't feel he earned. There had been a project wherein they had to write about their childhood. He sat with me at my desk and we wrote his rough draft sentences together. I'd prompt him and help him when he got stuck but he wrote the sentences mainly by himself. They were then supposed to take the sentences and make a scrapbook out of it. He never turned in the final project but I gave him a 70 on it because I knew the sentences had been written and were solid. The sentences were the bulk of the grade for the project- the remaining thirty points was for typing it and adding pictures. Apparently, he was angry at me for giving him a 70 when he felt he should receive a zero since he hadn't handed me a final draft. He didn't want my charity.
I approached him the next class and explained my point of view- that I knew he had done the work and should receive credit for having written the sentences and spent a lot of time on them. I told him in no way did I simply hand out grades. If he hadn't written the sentences, he would have received a zero, as a couple of his classmates received. He nodded and things were cool after that. He passed the final by the skin of his teeth and I saw him in the hallway the following year. We always said hello.
Until one day, I was in the hallway and asked how he was and he said he was dropping out, that school didn't work for him. He was sixteen and he was done. He was added to my list.
I saw him two years later at a school football game and he gave me a huge bear hug. I believe he is still with his girlfriend, last I heard a few years ago. They have since had a child, maybe more since. But he is still on the list until I can talk to him face to face.
Jeff*
Jeff was a freshman in my Spanish 1 class. Spanish 1 is always an interesting class to teach because you get all kinds of different students. Half the class consists of students with learning disabilities. Usually, there is an upperclassmen who wanted to take another language and already has success in one language. There are also students who failed Spanish in the middle school and still need to earn a credit to graduate. Jeff fell into two categories, having failed in the middle school for lack of effort that was perhaps in part a side-effect of his diagnosed ADD.
Jeff was a sweet young boy who was rather quiet in class. At first. As he gained confidence in the high school, he became louder and more and more distracted. He was also extremely impressionable and I noticed he started gravitating toward the older students in class and trying to imitate their bad behavior. I was instantly worried.
I was further alarmed when he started hanging out with Triston, a junior who was in my other Spanish 1 class who had major issues who will be discussed later. Jeff passed my class in the 80s because when I got him to focus, he did well. He was a very intelligent, kind young man but I worried that his choice of friends would drag him down. I voiced this to him several times and hoped he took it to heart.
The following year, myself and another teacher often had conversations with him because he was still hanging out with Triston and his friends. Jeff came to school one day with a black eye and the rumor I heard was that he was in downtown Albany with Triston and friends in the middle of the night and was punched. Again, many of us voiced our concerns. I believe he was suspended or dropped out or both; I'm not sure. I was at least able to find his Facebook page and it looks like he's doing okay and perhaps in school. He will stay on my list until I get a definitive answer as to his success in life.
Triston*
Triston was in my Spanish 1 class because he had a learning disability that had taken up time in his schedule since he had to be pulled out for reading services. He was a junior and still needed the credit so in he came. He was respectful to me but I could tell he had problems with authority and anger management issues. He also struggled with substance abuse and there were other teachers who had him that suspected there may have been verbal or emotional abuse in his childhood as well.
The last time I saw him, his life trajectory was not heading toward a positive place and I feared there would be jail time or worse in his future. I was able to find his Facebook page as well and it looks like he is potentially in a community college. But I still worry about him.
Micah*
Micah was by far the toughest case I've ever dealt with as a teacher. I had him two years in a row in Spanish 1 and would have had him a third year had I not requested for a break from Spanish 1. I asked for that break because I knew I could not handle him three years in a row.
Micah was the most indifferent student I've ever had. There were days when I couldn't even get him to pick up a pencil and that is not an exaggeration. He did not carry materials with him. Period. He did not even have a pen or pencil. He would walk in to class, sit down and stare. Even the first year I had him, he knew all the answers and could pass a test if he cared to take it but failed with an average in the 20s due to his refusal to do work. He skipped many times and was written up accordingly. He spent a lot of the two years suspended as well. His suspensions were caused by a variety of things including: skipping, using inappropriate language, fighting, possession or sale of illegal substances or being under the influence in school.
Never have I met a student who was as indifferent to his success as Micah. It was the second year I had him when we had a teacher meeting with him. Our assistant principal was laying it out to him: that he was failing, that he was not going to graduate and that he would most likely end up in jail if he kept on this life path. Micah stated that he wanted to graduate and that he would graduate. The assistant principal replied that he could pass if he started to work but that on his current trajectory, he would flunk out of high school. Micah was angry at that and said that it wasn't true, that he'd graduate with his class. He truly believed that he could pass without holding a pencil.
The following year, I followed his story even though he wasn't my student. He spent more time suspended that year than he did actually in school. He dropped out toward the end of the year. I haven't heard about him since.
Chase*
Chase might be the student nearest my heart on the list. I remember the first day I met Chase: ninth grade orientation day. On this day, back then, students would come to school and walk through their schedules and meet their teachers for about fifteen minutes. It was my third year teaching and I was still a bit naive. I insisted on putting seating cards on the desks for orientation which, in hindsight, was ridiculous. He walked in, saw his card in the front row, grabbed it, stormed to the back of the room, threw it down on a desk and sat. I remember thinking: holy shit. What am I going to do?
Chase*
Chase might be the student nearest my heart on the list. I remember the first day I met Chase: ninth grade orientation day. On this day, back then, students would come to school and walk through their schedules and meet their teachers for about fifteen minutes. It was my third year teaching and I was still a bit naive. I insisted on putting seating cards on the desks for orientation which, in hindsight, was ridiculous. He walked in, saw his card in the front row, grabbed it, stormed to the back of the room, threw it down on a desk and sat. I remember thinking: holy shit. What am I going to do?
I had two students named Chase in that class, both were difficult to manage, both had difficult home lives. Both were friends for about half the year and then they had a falling out. One went to a rehab program and never returned. My Chase struggled, desperately needing the credit to graduate. He'd taken German in middle school and failed. He was also struggling with ADD and a learning disability with reading.
He and I developed a good rapport throughout the year. I gave him extra attention and let him come in to make up work. We talked about his family which wasn't involved in his education. His mom wasn't emotionally supportive and his dad sounded like an uninvolved drunk. Chase was between his dad's house and his mom's that included a boyfriend of the week. Chase was on his own and when he failed my course, I knew he'd be back because he still needed the credit.
When he wasn't on my list the next year, I immediately went to guidance and discovered that he'd gotten into the culinary votec program. I was glad to see that he might see some academic success there and learn life skills since traditional education did not suit his needs.
One day, he came in after school and announced, in an ominous tone, that he had something to tell me. He confessed that he had been arrested over the summer for allegedly assaulting someone. He had spent a few nights in jail and was given a rude look into what his life could become if he didn't get his act together. He told me how scary it was and how he realized he wanted to make something of his life.
I saw Chase sporadically over the next three years since he wasn't on campus most of the day. And every year, I expected to see him on my Spanish 1 list because I knew he still needed the credit. I was ready to have a break from Spanish 1 but I hung on so I could teach him and hopefully, finally, get him trough the course.
In year seven, his super senior year, he was once again on my list. It happened to be the same class that Micah was in his second year with me. Chase walked in the first day this year and gave me a huge hug. Then he announced "This is Clegg and she is the best teacher in the world."
It was so interesting to see Chase's growth and maturity from that first year. He was in class the last day of his probation and we celebrated. And he actually turned twenty during class and we had a birthday cake for him that day. It was the first twentieth birthday I'd ever celebrated in my classroom and will probably be the only one. We spoke several times about how he knew he could drop out and get a GED but that he wanted the diploma.
On graduation day, I ran through security toward the stage so I could give him a huge hug after he came down. I cried in that moment because I was so terribly invested in that student and so incredibly proud. I got to see someone who overcame so much finally graduate.
Unfortunately, he is not technologically inclined so I have not seen him since. I know he was trying to join the army but heard a rumor that it fell through because of his trouble with the court. I think of him often and wonder and worry. I tried finding him on Facebook but he's not on. Chase will remain on the list until I know he's well but he will forever be in my heart.
There are many things that tug at my heart and while I once saw that as a weakness, I now accept that it's one of my greatest strengths. I find inspiration in their struggles and it makes me work harder to create engaging lessons. If I didn't have my list, if I didn't still care, I wouldn't be who I am.
I hope all who read this have their own list. Maybe yours is longer or shorter or with different criteria but I hope it exists. I hope you have multiple lists and cross-reference them. I hope you review them and reflect on them frequently so they may continue affecting you long after the students leave your classroom.
I continue learning from Amy, Jack, Mitch, Julian, Zander, Jeff, Triston, Micah and Chase. Though most have been out of our hallways for more than three years, they are still teaching me as I taught them.
Hopefully, their stories taught you too.
*Names have been changed to protect student privacy.
*Names have been changed to protect student privacy.
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